I have been fighting the twin evils of SINUSITIS and also CAR WEEING PETROL ON THE DRIVEWAY. Even so, I have found time to craft this:
When you fire the game up now it gently walks you through a 30-second tutorial explaining side swapping, suicide, and the timer. Then it instantly dumps you into the game proper where you will die horribly.
I reckon this is a much friendlier introduction to the game than skipping straight to the horrible-death part.